Porter Committed (Literally) to Getting Into Shape
Travis Porter Checks Himself into Rehab Facility
In a move that shocked no one, Travis Porter has checked himself into the Al Roker Center for Junk Food Dependence. People around Porter have clearly noticed his Belushi-like bloating over recent years and privately thought this was only a matter of time.
The move, according to eyewitnesses, was set in motion after an incident at a late-night drive-thru while riding out a nasty Pixie Stix binge. Porter stopped traffic demanding that he get a Steve Austin toy with his Happy Meal and refused to leave the window until the attendant delivered the toy from the long cancelled series "The Six-Million Dollar Man."
According to a spokesperson for the Porters, "Mr. Porter is an addict. He has a disease. This disease is called Lack of Self Control. Until he gets this lack of control under control, he will remain in the Roker Clinic. I want to remind everyone that this is a self-imposed action and is no way the result of any of the impending lawsuits leveled against him."
In a move that shocked no one, Travis Porter has checked himself into the Al Roker Center for Junk Food Dependence. People around Porter have clearly noticed his Belushi-like bloating over recent years and privately thought this was only a matter of time.
The move, according to eyewitnesses, was set in motion after an incident at a late-night drive-thru while riding out a nasty Pixie Stix binge. Porter stopped traffic demanding that he get a Steve Austin toy with his Happy Meal and refused to leave the window until the attendant delivered the toy from the long cancelled series "The Six-Million Dollar Man."
According to a spokesperson for the Porters, "Mr. Porter is an addict. He has a disease. This disease is called Lack of Self Control. Until he gets this lack of control under control, he will remain in the Roker Clinic. I want to remind everyone that this is a self-imposed action and is no way the result of any of the impending lawsuits leveled against him."
Porter was recently diagnosed as "overweight" by his Wii fit and had claimed to be doing something about it. Well, the reality is, nothing had been done until now. Porter, again through a spokesperson, promises to get better. "Travis promises to eat better, work out regularly, and eventually have abs that will put (Matt) McConaughey to shame. He thanks all of his fans for their support and knows that with your, and God's, help. He will get through this."
Stay tuned as this story develops.
Either that of enlarging the doors!
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